Feelings and Fillings.

As the glass pipe reached my hand, I started to let go. The first puff. The feeling of air and smoke coming in filled my chest with relief. I passed it on. My body soon was melting quietly in the chair. 

I did not intend to lose it, I just wanted to be at peace even if it was just for a moment. Although I knew that it would go away in the morning, and the anxiety would return to my fingertips as soon as I woke up, I tried to make the most of it.

This was what I needed. Something that made me feel good. Something that occupied the space that I have now inside and will have for long. But I slept like I hadn't slept in days, avoiding thoughts of despair and anguish. 

I opened my eyes to a blinding ray of sunlight. I looked at the clock and took a deep breath. There it was. The emptiness. The headache. The heartache. The soul-ache. The sensation of having my heart pulled down from my guts. I don't have tears anymore, to let it all out. Will this ever go away for real? How long will it last?